X-Rated Bloodsuckers: Felix Gomez Vampire Private Investigator – A Bitingly Sarcastic Urban Fantasy

X-Rated Bloodsuckers: Felix Gomez Vampire Private Investigator – A Bitingly Sarcastic Urban Fantasy

“Vampire P.I. Felix Gomez is irresistibly entertaining”—Rick Riordan, Edgar Award–winning author of Mission Road Rollickingly funny, bitingly sarcastic, X-Rated Bloodsuckers is the sharp, hilarious follow-up to Mario’s acclaimed debut, The Nymphos of Rocky Flats . Felix Gomex has survived Operation Desert Freedom, being turned into a vampire, and a ravenous horde of nymphomaniacs. Now, he faces his toughest investigation when he’s hired to infiltrate the corrupt world of Los Angeles politics and investigate the murder of a distinguished young surgeon turned porn star. The search pits Felix against renegade vampires conspiring with humans in a scheme that would forever alter the supernatural world and cause the extermination of the undead. Raymond Chandler could never have imagined an L.A. like this, where hard-boiled, private-eye vampires fight crime, as well as commit a few during lunch breaks. When renegade vampires threaten to wreck the fragile balance between humanity and the netherworld, PI Felix Gomez is hired to repair the growing schism, or give up his immortal and somewhat immoral life trying. The mean streets have never been meaner--or stranger--and the result is a high-speed, well-crafted romp through the forests of the night. Fans of Acevedo's The Nymphos of Rocky Flats (2006) will find this a worthy sequel. Elliott Swanson Copyright © American Library Association. All rights reserved “Deliciously unique. A smooth combination of Anne Rice and Michael Connelly, with a generous portion of Dave Barry...Acevedo is a writer to watch!” - JA Konrath, author of Bloody Mary “Raymond Chandler could never have imagined an L.A. like this, where hard-boiled, private-eye vampires fight crime, as well as commit a few during lunch breaks.” - Booklist Felix has survived Operation Iraqi Freedom, being turned into a vampire, and a ravenous horde of nymphomaniacs. Now he faces his toughest task ever—navigating the corrupt world of Los Angeles politics to solve the murder of a distinguished young surgeon turned porn star. But both human and vampire alike have reasons to want the secret to stay buried. . . Mario Acevedo is the bestselling author of The Nymphos of Rocky Flats , X-Rated Bloodsuckers , The Undead Kama Sutra , and Jailbait Zombie . He lives and writes in Denver, Colorado. X-Rated Bloodsuckers By Mario Acevedo HarperCollins Publishers, Inc. Copyright © 2007 Mario Acevedo All right reserved. ISBN: 9780060833275 Chapter One "It's about murder," said Katz Meow. Murder? I had trouble accepting the premise from such pillowy and succulent red lips. I gave Katz the vampire once-over. A quick study of her eyes, the portals to a human's consciousness. Mascara clumped her eyelashes, making them seem like ragged penumbras around the shiny blue marbles of her irises. Her high-boned cheeks were round and perfect. My gaze dropped to her neck, and I studied the hollows between the tendons of her throat, marking the choicest spot to sink my fangs and tap her jugular. Should I fang her, there could be one of three outcomes. If I only sucked her blood, I could modulate which of the enzymes in my saliva flowed back through the punctures. These enzymes deepened vampire hypnosis and could induce permanent amnesia, and make her swoon with orgasmic pleasure or writhe in searing pain. If I sucked too much blood, I would kill her. Or should our blood commingle after the fanging—especially through an open-mouth kiss as was done to me years ago—then she'd be damned to walk the earth as a vampire. The low collar of her dress arced like a smile across her voluptuous cleavage. My eyes went back to hers, lingering for an instant in fleeting lust. Morning sunlight illuminated my office. Sunblock and makeup covered my translucent complexion. Katz didn't know I was a vampire. Humans couldn't know. They must never know. Superstition and skepticism protect us, the undead. The moment humans discovered we exist, they would hunt us down. Those vampires the humans didn't exterminate would be imprisoned and dissected. I had to be careful what cases I accepted as an undead private detective. Katz fidgeted in the leather chair facing my desk, as if she sensed my wariness. "Whose murder?" I asked. Katz wrung her hands, the manicured white-tipped fingernails crisscrossing. "My friend Roxy Bronze." "Never heard of her." Katz reached into the large Gucci handbag—real or knockoff—resting by her ankle. Gold bracelets jangled from her wrist as she offered me a plastic DVD case. The cover of the DVD showed Katz and a statuesque brunette, holding each other by the waist. Both wore matching black bikini bottoms and bolero vests, and stood on clear plastic stiletto slut pumps. They had wanton grins as lurid as what the DVD title blared in fluorescent green letters: Super-Vixen Skank Fest, Volume Eight. Printed across their respective muscular thighs were their names: Katz Meow and Roxy Bronze. Katz brushed a tangle of