Keys To The Truculent Me: And Other Things That Drive Me Crazy

Keys To The Truculent Me: And Other Things That Drive Me Crazy

Keys To The Truculent Me contains fifty odd (as in “off-kilter,” not “he lost count after fifty”) essays in which author John Branning dissects the most mundane of topics (among them: cats, toilet paper, the Kardashians) and finds something objectionable about nearly all. He himself is not above criticism, documenting it in this collection with scrupulous accuracy before eviscerating whomever launched the unjustified attack.Branning explores dilemmas, some real but most largely imagined, inspired by the challenges of marriage (people pity his wife), parenting (his only child, now an adult, identifies himself by first and last name when he calls), home ownership (his tasks come from a “honey-don’t” list), and the English language (by which he is flummoxed at every turn).In the post “Rude Awakening,” he is awakened by a punch in the nose -- from his wife. In “Climb Every Mantra,” he reluctantly attends a yoga class and in short order become mindful of the importance of beer and chocolate. And “No Rhyme or Reason (well, it rhymes a little bit)” is a poetic exploration into the firing of FBI Director James Comey.Often petulant, frequently irritated, occasionally profane — but always funny — whether you share Branning’s viewpoints or not, you’ll alternate between laughing with and at him. Mostly at him. "A mishmash of musings, mantra, and mystification, Keys To the Truculent Me is alternately funny, frugal, and insightful. 'Our dentist recommended that we start using a rechargeable electric toothbrush; fair enough, but the brand the practice encouraged us to purchase comes with Bluetooth connectivity, sharing the data with an app to keep track of how often and how long we brush each day. Honest to God, if someone needs to utilize that level of technology to avoid cavities, then dentures are a foregone conclusion.' Keys To the Truculent Me is [a] compelling browse, whether a few pages here and there in moments of spare time or cover to cover all at once. Highly recommended!" - Midwest Book Review "If anyone could so hilariously mangle the English language with groan-inducing puns and absurd 'gift of gag' wordsmith observations, it would be Maine humorist John Branning."This is a collection of 50 short essays he uses to skewer tasteless celebrities, clueless politicians, make fun of himself and puzzle over toilet paper, popular quotes, Thanksgiving recipes, New Year's resolutions and why verb tenses make him tense. Get ready to laugh at the gags, witticisms, profound goofiness and Branning's unique look at life, marriage, his waistline and toilet training his cats. There are a lot of toilet-related observations here, especially his astute questioning of why there are so many types of toilet paper when we only go No. 1 and No. 2. He worries folks might think he does most of his thinking and writing while on the can. He also likes lists, such as 'Thirteen Last-Minute Gifts for Your Holiday' (the Mike Pence stopwatch is a keeper), and the 'Eleven Reasons Why I Hate to Go Grocery Shopping' (why do we add salt to a recipe that calls for unsalted butter?). Best, however, are his essays on fractured grammar like 'Double Indumbnity' where the term 'film buff' means watching old movies in the nude, and 'film noir' which is French for 'not in color.' He also thinks Apostrophe is the Greek goddess of love, wonders about the term 'Scott-free' (Who is Scott and who set him free?) and asks if you are nonplussed now, can you be plussed later? Others include 'My Bathroom Innovation Will Make You Flush with Excitement;' why he calls wine connoisseurs 'winers' (get it?); why the term 'rode hard, put away wet' has nothing to do with horses; and why you'd better watch out if your 9-year-old... asks you if he's in your will." -- Bushnell on Books, Kennebec (ME) Journal John Branning is a prize-winning humorist (he won Third Place - out of three contestants - in his local Punt, Pass & Kick competition at age eight; his punt actually landed behind him, which elicited much laughter from the other participants). He has been published in Defenestration magazine, The Hilario, HumorOutcasts.com, HumorWriters.org, and the Bangor Daily News. His first collection of essays, "Selfie-Facing: Analog Musings in a Digital World", made the Huffington Post's list of "The Best Self-Published Books of 2016." He resides in Maine but lives in a world of his own making.