Constance Verity Destroys the Universe (3)

Constance Verity Destroys the Universe (3)

The third and final book of Constance Verity’s epic adventure in which saving the world is easy—everything that comes after is the tricky part. The Adventurer. The Great Snurkab. The Caretaker. Constance Verity returns, having accepted and secured her place in the universe while juggling her expanded life. Until she comes up against The Caretaker’s nemesis, a foe she can’t just beat the hell out of, Connie must defeat the idea of inevitable entropy, the end of everything. Impossible you may think, but Connie always has an angle, and this time it’s by upping her game, by stopping enough calamities, by answering every tug at her innate sense of adventure, she can build up enough power to counteract the end of the universe. The problem is, she’s still a human woman, and even she can’t keep this up for long. As she starts to fade her friends figure out a way to help: Destroy the world. “An ethnically diverse heroine, great adventure pacing, a witty sense of humor, and some quality banter make this a delightful subversion of superhero tropes.” ― - Booklist (STARRED) “ The Last Adventure of Constance Verity is sure to give you plenty of good laughs and some deeper themes to chew on. It’s unexpectedly charismatic and offbeat.” ― – The BiblioSanctum A. Lee Martinez enjoys juggling, origami, skulking, and time travel. Chapter 1 1 Connie’s trip from Shangri-la had taken longer than expected. The ox ride had gone smoothly, but her plane had been delayed and she’d missed a connecting flight. She’d made up some time by calling in a favor and hitching a ride on a fishing boat, but she was still running behind. She’d told Byron not to bother waiting for her, just in case she didn’t make it. She didn’t expect anyone but Chestnut the Wonder Dog to be waiting for her in the condo when she arrived, but she wasn’t terribly surprised when she found a pair of alien envoys also there. It was shaping up to be one of those kinds of days. “You could have warned me,” she said to Chestnut. The envoy that was a mass of writhing tentacles with four eyestalks cooed over Chestnut. “Your companion beast has proven most engaging.” “I bet.” Connie turned over a couch cushion to find a gold-plated ionic crystal, which she handed to the envoy. “Does this belong to anyone?” “Oh my,” said the envoy. “How did that get there?” “It’s a mystery.” Chestnut had sticky paws, acquired under an unscrupulous animal trainer. Connie had yet to break the wonder dog of her larcenous habits. Connie snapped her fingers, and Chestnut ran into the bedroom. The second envoy, a vegetable-based hominid, rattled its leaves. Connie had a working knowledge of plant-ese. “Blessed Snurkab, we come on matters of great importance.” Connie tossed her fur-lined hat on the coffee table. “Great, but can we skip the honorifics and get to it? I’m on a schedule.” “We apologize if this is an inconvenient time,” he shook. “We wouldn’t have come—” “Yes, great importance, I’m sure,” said Connie. “Do you mind if I change while we talk?” The aliens followed her into the bedroom, but she shooed them out and shut the door. Chestnut sat on her dog bed in the corner, and Connie thought about turning over the bed to see if any other alien objects had wandered into the golden retriever’s possession, but she was on a schedule. She stripped out of her dirty clothes. Byron had prepared an outfit for her on the bed. Just a shirt and some pants, but it saved her some mental energy, so she made a note to thank him later. “Talk. I can still hear you.” “Well, honorable Snurkab,” said the tentacles, “as it is known that you are the most trustworthy and honorable being in the universe, we have come to you because…” She half listened as he explained the situation. A sacred artifact had been found, and several different civilizations were vying for control of it. An interplanetary war was brewing, and it had been decided by several wise leaders that the artifact should be kept in safe hands while negotiations were underway. There was more to it than that, but she stopped listening after a point. She checked herself in the mirror. Her hair was a tangled mess. She ran a brush through it with mixed results. She sniffed herself, and she smelled like ox and sweat and raw fish. A shower would be prudent, but she didn’t have the time. She applied deodorant liberally, gargled a capful of mouthwash, put on some perfunctory makeup. It’d have to do. She opened the door. “Yeah, sure, I can hold on to your artifact for a bit.” The plant shook. “You are as gracious as—” She pushed her way past them. The tentacle alien brushed her, leaving a bit of goo on her pants. She thought about grabbing a paper towel to wipe it up, but time wasn’t on her side. The envoys produced a barbed dagger made of shimmering metal. They bowed, presenting it to her. It was warm to the touch and vibrated ever so slightly. “This isn’t radioactive or cursed or anything?” she asked. “R