You Can’t Heal a Wound by Saying It’s Not There: Overcoming Your Past, Embracing Your Future

You Can’t Heal a Wound by Saying It’s Not There: Overcoming Your Past, Embracing Your Future

Today, men and women are running around empty, trying to fill a void with addictions to work, busyness, alcohol, drugs, high debt, pornography, serial dead-end relationships, and sex without commitment. My book speaks about the futility of this empty search and helps you find peace and meaning beyond yourself. You Can't Heal a Wound by Saying It's Not There is about recognizing the wounds we all have from growing up that cripple us until we face them and overcome them. Written in a case study format and interspersed with poignant illustrations and memoirs from the author's life, this book helps people identify what they need to do to grow up and become all that God intended so that they can use their life to help someone else be better. I have learned much from people who have taught me over the years in private psychotherapy practice. I have also learned much from people I have served in churches and from our church systems that sometimes leave people marginalized. Thus, I have a passion for and am drawn to those who have been alienated for one reason or another from ?church? and institutionalized religion. With that said, I am currently planting a new church with outreach to people who feel disconnected from God. (www.connectionscommunitychurchirvine.net) You Can't Heal a Wound by Saying It's Not There Overcoming Your Past, Embracing Your Future By Saundra J. Taulbee AuthorHouse Copyright © 2017 Dr. Saundra J. Taulbee All rights reserved. ISBN: 978-1-5246-9485-2 Contents Foreword, xiii, Preface, xv, Introduction, xvii, PART I Anatomy of the Wound, 1, Principle 1: Acknowledging the Wound, 1, - 1 - The Wound: Defining It Spiritually and Emotionally, 1, - 2 - How We Get There: Gender Differences, 9, PART II Anatomy of the Wound, 17, Principle 2: Facing the Wound, 17, - 3 - How Real People Faced Their Wounds, 17, - 4 - Stories of Families, Couples, and Children Who Faced their Wounds, 29, PART III Long-Term Consequences of Wounds, 43, Principle 3: Dangers of Ignoring the Wound, 43, - 5 - Denying the Wound, 43, - 6 - When Wounds Become Roots of Bitterness and Faded Dreams, 48, - 7 - Wounds of Our Culture, 52, PART IV Hope for the Future, 79, Principle 4: Moving Toward Recovery, 79, - 8 - On Healing the Wound (Jeremiah 31), 79, - 9 - You Can Go Home Again, 87, - 10 - Overcoming Generational Wounds, 93, - 11 - Using Your Life to Make a Difference: Becoming a Wounded Healer, 103, - 12 - Closing Thoughts, 107, Epilogue, 116, Study Guide, 119, Notes and Leaders' Guide Addendum (Endnotes), 133, Bibliography, 141, Author Biography, 143, CHAPTER 1 The Wound: Defining It Spiritually and Emotionally Around the world, thousands of people are in the midst of rebuilding lives that have been torn apart by earthquakes and floods. After the major devastation of a natural disaster, the work of rebuilding begins from ground up, layer upon layer. Others face similar rebuilding after dealing with deeply personal devastations. The difference between the two is that those who come for treatment still have their possessions intact. But what they find is that they still feel empty and disoriented. A typical example is Ben, a man who came to our first session explaining he had several luxury cars, a beautiful wife, had made a great deal of money, but was unhappy and restless with all the turmoil in his life. Ben's wife was binge drinking and partying with her friends while he sat at home wallowing in his addiction to alcohol and pornography. This was not the way he wanted their life to go. He loved his wife and had recently reunited with her after a two-month trial separation. However, not much had changed since reuniting. Ben was raised Catholic but found "some of the doctrines too complicated." As part of his search, he went to a Bible teaching church, which he liked very much, and his wife attended with him. Soon he began thinking about starting a family and saving money. Ben desperately wanted to know why he was addicted and how to be rid of it. This became the focus of our next few sessions. No matter how it's packaged, what drives people to seek help reflects our first principle: acknowledging a wound. Donald Miller put it this way, "I do buy the idea we are flawed, that there is something in us that is broken." I, too, believe we have a deep sense of knowing about this flaw, which gnaws away inside until we can run from it no longer. Acknowledging the wound is important for two reasons: First, because it gives voice to the pain inside that has long been covered over with addictions or even socially acceptable things like work and achievement. Such was my own case. I recall the event that forced me to acknowledge my wound. Prior to entering seminary, I was preparing a speech to give at my former church in honor of Mental Health Month, encouraging people to be aware of how important it is to maintain a lifestyle of good mental health. I never gave that speech. A tragic f