How to Look Busy at Work While Doing Absolutely Nothing: Threading the Needle to Just Get By

How to Look Busy at Work While Doing Absolutely Nothing: Threading the Needle to Just Get By

Are you tired of actually working at work? Looking to master the art of appearing productive while achieving the absolute minimum? Look no further! From the strategic positioning of multiple monitors to the psychology of purposeful walking, this groundbreaking guide reveals the secrets of workplace theater that senior managers don't want you to know. Learn how to: Transform your desk into a fortress of faux productivity - Master the art of typing nothing with conviction - Maintain 47 browser tabs without crashing your computer (or your career) - Perfect the "I'm deep in thought" face during naptime - Weaponize corporate buzzwords to confuse and impress Written by an anonymous workplace anthropologist (who's definitely not sleeping under their desk right now), this satirical handbook exposes the absurdity of modern office culture through proven techniques like the "Emergency Meeting Escape Protocol" and the "Strategic Coffee Break Algorithm." WARNING: Side effects may include promotions, corner office assignments, and colleagues asking you to "share your expertise" in meetings you'll now know how to avoid. Disclaimer: This book is satire. Any resemblance to actual productivity is purely coincidental. Results may vary. Author cannot be held responsible for promotions received under false pretenses. Perfect for: The professionally purposeless - Masters of meeting avoidance - Email ninja warriors - Corporate theater enthusiasts - Anyone who's ever marked themselves "busy" while watching cat videos Buy now and receive our bonus chapter: "The Strategic Placement of Post-it Notes - Because Looking Organized is Better Than Being Organized!"