SHATTERING NARCISSISTIC ABUSE: IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT

SHATTERING NARCISSISTIC ABUSE: IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT

Recovering from a narcissistic abuse marriage can be challenging. It's important to know that it's not your fault and you are not alone. With narcissistic abuse on the rise, there are steps you can take to heal and regain your sense of self. This book will ask the tough questions racing through your mind. It covers the effects of narcissism on a victim; What to expect when breaking free; Coping and recovering; How to move forward, and questions to answer to help you have a better understanding of where to go from here. I am a 67-year-old man who remarried late in life. I didn't know that I was marrying a narcissist. I was starting to think that I was losing my mind. She divorced me after five years of marriage. I wasn't losing my mind; I was being abused.             The new woman in my life seemed to have it all together and we got along fantastic. We dated for about 18 months before we got married. I moved to her place after selling my house. She seemed to be everything a man would want in a wife. Charismatic, talented, a good cook and the romance was great.   Her place was too small for the two of us so we sold her townhouse and bought a house in a rural neighborhood. For the first two years, things were fantastic. Then, I started noticing her belittling comments to me. It wasn't too bad but they were still cutting words. I dismissed them as just part of her personality that was coming out. These cutting remarks persisted and I noticed she began to have a controlling attitude with things like; what I  should eat, what to wear, etc. I can take some criticism but it became overbearing. Then the intimacy stopped and she moved into the other room. That was another red flag I should have paid attention to. We still got along just fine.       I told my wife on a daily basis that I loved her and kissed her. I thought we had the perfect marriage. Towards the end, my wife asked me "why don't you smile more?" , "It's like you always have a gloomy look on your face." It was like telling me that I have an ugly face. It hurt. My response to her was "I'm sorry if my face doesn't please you anymore."..... I thought I was a good husband. We took dance lessons together and would go dancing 3-4 times a year and would go to music festivals. At the time, I owned a boat, and we would go out on the lake or down to the coast and spend the weekend on the boat. She seemed to enjoy it. Still, it didn't seem to be enough for her. So..... one day there were kisses and the very next day, she wanted a divorce. As she was going out the door for the last time, I stood there with tears in my eyes.... and she said: "awe, do you need a hug"? I have never been so humiliated in my life. When she left, she took a picture of herself in her car with a smile on her face and posted it on Facebook for everyone to see. Her smile had a smirk of satisfaction on it. That showed me just how cold and heartless she really was.     So now, I was not only dealing with depression but also confusion. Why would she do such a thing? Our "one year separation" started on December 1, 2020. The following year, during the Christmas season, on December 23, 2021, I received the divorce papers in the mail. It wasn't a good Christmas for me, but I managed to put on a fake smile and go to a Christmas party. For the next 2-3 years, even with anti-depressants, I sank into a deep depression. I would sleep for days on end because I was mentally exhausted. I found myself wandering aimlessly from room to room. I often cried out to God. "Why? What did I do that was so wrong that I deserve a divorce?." I tried to be the best husband a man could be. There was never any fussing or fighting. We never even raised our voice to each other.  In the months that followed, I walked off the anxiety with laps up and down the driveway. During these times, it felt like God was saying "just wait" and "trust me". There was even a time when it felt like God was saying "I'm jealous God and you loved her more than you loved me." and He was right...      For the 5 years we were married, I never once prayed for my wife. Six months after the divorce, As I was trying to adjust to my new life, I was mindlessly web surfing on YouTube and ran across a video on Narcissistic Abuse. Curious, I clicked on it.  As I watched the video, lightbulbs started going off in my head and I began checking the boxes on Narcissistic Abuse. Over the next few months, I watched 30-40 videos on the subject. They all said the same thing. Little did I know, My now X-wife was a Covert Narcissistic Abuser. Everything started to make sense. I could look back and see how I was verbally and mentally abused and how condescending her words were to me.  Narcissistic Abusers are attracted to Empathetic individuals. Most Narcissists often lack empathy. They also lack the ability to have a long-term commitment like in a marriage. Suddenly, it all made sense. But the damage was done, and I was left emotionally broken. A friend of mine s